If you’ve ever had an argument where you knew you were right but still ended up in the doghouse, this one’s for you.
Recently, I was challenged by a client who gave me feedback that I initially didn’t agree with. I’d made what I thought was an honest mistake. No big deal, right? But the client saw it differently and called it unprofessional.
Now, I’ll be honest, my first reaction was to get defensive. I thought, “Hang on, I’m not unprofessional!” But after I cooled off and sat with it, I realised this wasn’t just about being right or wrong. It was about perspective. And perspective is everything when it comes to relationships.
The Trap of Competing Realities
We’ve all been there:
“You said this!”
“No, I didn’t, I said that!”
And around it goes.
These arguments feel logical in the moment, but they rarely go anywhere. Why? Because two people can experience the same situation in completely different ways, and both can feel 100% convinced they’re right.
That’s what happened here. From my point of view, I’d done nothing wrong. But from the client’s perspective, my mistake looked like carelessness. And in that moment, their perspective was their reality.
Why Perspective Beats Defensiveness
The truth is, my intentions didn’t matter as much as I wanted them to. Sure, I didn’t mean to come across as unprofessional, but intent doesn’t erase impact.
When I reflected on it, I could see how my actions might have led to that outcome. That didn’t mean I agreed with the judgment, but I could understand it. And that’s the shift that so many couples need: moving from “proving a point” to trying to see the other side.
The Lesson I Took Away
In the end, the client decided not to continue. That’s their choice.
But I walked away with something useful: a reminder that perspective matters more than winning the argument. Defensiveness doesn’t solve anything. You don’t have to agree with someone’s version of events to acknowledge that, to them, it feels real.
I know I’m not unprofessional. I don’t need to prove that to anyone. But I can use this kind of feedback as a chance to sharpen how I show up, not just in my work, but in my relationships.
And that’s something all of us can take to heart: when you focus less on proving you’re right and more on understanding the other person, you create space for connection instead of conflict.
