How to get in “the space between” in your relationship

How to get in "the space between" in your relationship - Cerebra Counselling Services

In comic books, there’s a storytelling device called the “gutter,” referring to the space between two panels. This space allows for transitions between time and space, letting readers use their imagination to fill the gaps and create a meaningful narrative. This concept is useful in narrative therapy, particularly couples therapy, to help partners navigate their relationships effectively.

Embracing ‘The Space Between”

Instead of calling it the gutter, let’s refer to it as ‘the space between.’ This term highlights the importance of spending time in this space within yourself and with your partner. It’s not a gap to be filled but an essential aspect of understanding each other better.

Understanding Misunderstandings

Consider a relationship in which partners often feel misunderstood and struggle to express themselves. One partner might see the other in a low mood and assume they are angry, leading to arguments or misunderstandings. These assumptions can become the norm, resulting in an unfulfilled relationship.

Now, imagine the same relationship, but instead of assuming, the partner asks questions. By giving their partner the benefit of the doubt and engaging in open communication, they build a better context for understanding. For instance, asking, “How are you feeling right now?” can prevent misunderstandings and foster a healthier dialogue.

Fostering Better Communication

Approaching situations with assumptions can create negative interactions, but inviting your partner into ‘the space between’ encourages deeper understanding and a healthier relationship. Here are some tips to help navigate this space:

Visualise the Relationship Narrative

Like a comic book, visualise your relationship as a series of panels (significant events) and spaces between (unspoken aspects). The panels represent key interactions, while the spaces symbolise the unacknowledged parts of your relationship.

Explore the Spaces in Between

Often, what is not said can be as important as the clear events. Explore these unspoken feelings, assumptions, and expectations to uncover underlying issues.

Fill in the Gaps with Communication

Learn to fill your relationship spaces with open and honest communication. Share thoughts, feelings, and perspectives that may not have been expressed.

Use as a Therapeutic Tool

Create a literal or metaphorical “relationship comic strip” where you can draw or describe both the panels and the spaces in between. This exercise can serve as a starting point for discussions about relationship dynamics and areas for improvement.

Apply Gottman’s Principles

Align this concept with Gottman’s principles like ‘Building Love Maps’ (understanding each other’s worlds) and ‘Turning Towards’ (responding positively to each other’s needs). Consider how these principles play out in the panels and the spaces of your relationship comic strip.

Incorporate Narrative Therapy Elements

This approach ties in well with narrative therapy, where people are encouraged to tell the stories of their lives. The space in between becomes a metaphor for the parts of the story that are not being told or are being overlooked.

Reflect on Change and Growth

Use the concept of the space in between to discuss and reflect on how the relationship has changed and grown over time, considering both the spoken and unspoken elements of your journey together.

Seeking Professional Help

These strategies can help couples in Camden and beyond improve their relationships. They are also useful in individual therapy for those working on their relationship with themselves. If you have difficulties with any of these approaches, an experienced registered counsellor can help.

Feel free to give me a call or send me a message if you would like to know more. Let’s work together to build a healthier, more understanding relationship.

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