***SPOILERS FOR THE LEFTOVERS***
“I believe you.” It’s one of the last things we hear in The Leftovers, and it captures one of the most powerful relationship lessons from The Leftovers. Quiet. No big moment. No fanfare. Just a simple line that, to me, says everything.
If you haven’t watched The Leftovers, I can’t recommend it enough. It’s one of the most moving and original shows I’ve ever seen. The premise sounds a bit like science fiction. Two per cent of the world’s population vanishes without explanation. It’s called the Departure. But the show doesn’t waste much time on why or how. It’s much more interested in the people left behind, and what happens to them after something completely unexplainable. What unfolds is not about solving a mystery. It’s about living with one.
As a couples therapist, I couldn’t stop seeing the parallels between the emotional world of this show and the real-life work that happens in therapy. The heartbreak. The silence. The longing. The way people try, fail, pull away, and come back. The patterns that feel impossible to break. The show never hands you easy answers, and neither does grief. Or relationships.
There are so many characters I could write about, but for this blog, I want to focus on Kevin and Nora. Because what happens between them is something I often see in the therapy room. And what they figure out, eventually, is something I wish more couples could learn.
Kevin and Nora: Two People Grieving in Different Ways
Kevin Garvey is the police chief of a small town. On the surface, he’s holding it together. But underneath, he’s unravelling. He’s lost his wife, not to the Departure but to a kind of emotional exile. She joins a cult that refuses to speak, choosing silence as her way of coping. Kevin is trying to raise his daughter, keep his community afloat, and hold back a growing fear that he might be losing his grip on reality.
Nora Durst, on the other hand, is carrying a grief that’s hard to comprehend. Her husband, son, and daughter all vanished on the day of the Departure. She becomes a kind of symbol, but underneath that is a woman who feels completely alone. The pain is so deep that just being alive feels like a betrayal.
When Kevin and Nora come together, their relationship isn’t easy. But it’s real. Messy. Complex. They’re both drawn to each other and scared of being seen. They bring all their grief with them. All their avoidance. All their hope.
Esther Perel discusses a concept known as healing through relationship. It’s when the person who once activated your deepest pain becomes the person who helps you repair it. That’s exactly what we see with Kevin and Nora. But not at first.
At first, they do what so many couples do. They hurt each other without meaning to. They withdraw when things get hard. They avoid the real conversations. But they also keep coming back. And that’s what matters.
What This Relationship Shows Us About Healthy Love
In my work as a couples therapist, I employ the Gottman Method approach. It’s a research-based model that helps couples build connection, manage conflict, and repair after emotional injuries (find out more about the Gottman Method here). Watching Kevin and Nora through that lens was fascinating. Because even though their story is wrapped in surreal, sometimes absurd circumstances, the emotional truth of their relationship is incredibly grounded.
Here are a few key ideas from the Gottman Method that show up in their story.
1. Turning Toward Instead of Away
In relationships, we’re constantly making small bids for connection. A glance, a comment, a question. When those bids are met, trust builds. When they’re ignored or rejected, disconnection grows.
Kevin and Nora struggle with this. Kevin lies. Nora shuts down. They both avoid things they’re not ready to face. But what’s remarkable is that they keep returning. They don’t give up on the idea that maybe, just maybe, this relationship could hold something redemptive.
The final scene between them is one of the best examples of turning toward I’ve ever seen on screen. Kevin doesn’t interrogate Nora about where she went or whether her story is true. He doesn’t need proof. He says, “I believe you.” That’s it. That’s the moment. He meets her where she is, not where he wishes she’d be.
2. Holding Onto Fondness, Even in Pain
One of the core principles of the Gottman Sound Relationship House is maintaining fondness and admiration. That doesn’t mean ignoring flaws. It means keeping a connection to what you value in your partner, even when things are hard.
Kevin and Nora go through long periods of silence and distance. But there’s still a thread between them. A kind of respect that doesn’t completely disappear. In the finale, when they sit down across from each other again, that thread is still there. It’s quiet, but strong. That’s what makes repair possible.
3. Letting Go of Being Right
Many couples become stuck in the need to be right. They want their partner to agree, to validate their version of reality. But sometimes love means saying, “I don’t get it, but I believe you.”
This is what the Gottman Method refers to as accepting influence. It’s the ability to stay open, to soften, to let your partner’s perspective matter even if it challenges your own. Kevin does this in the end. He doesn’t argue. He doesn’t need the facts. He listens and trusts that Nora’s experience is real because it’s hers.
I frequently observe this shift in therapy. The most significant breakthroughs don’t come when someone finds the perfect words. They come when one partner stops trying to convince the other and instead chooses to be present. To say, I believe you, even if I don’t fully understand.
That’s what changes the emotional climate of a relationship. That’s when repair becomes possible.
What The Leftovers Can Teach Us
This show isn’t about closure. It’s about connection. It doesn’t give you straightforward answers. It shows you what it’s like to sit with uncertainty. To stay with grief. To love someone who is still healing.
It also reminds us that being a good partner isn’t about fixing things. It’s about showing up. About letting go of the need to win or be right, and choosing instead to be curious. Attuned. Willing to sit beside your partner in the dark.
Kevin and Nora don’t have a fairytale ending. But they find their way back to each other. And they do it not by solving their pain, but by honouring it.
This is one of the most emotionally honest stories I’ve seen on television. And if you’re in a relationship where things feel stuck, or if you and your partner are struggling to feel seen by each other, there’s something important in this story worth paying attention to.
If any of this resonates with you, and you’re curious about how to apply these ideas in your relationship, I’d love to talk. Reach out for an initial phone call or send me a message, and let’s see what might be possible.
