If you take a moment and look around you, there is an abundance of ways to communicate and connect. We often start our day with a phone alarm, check the news, weather, any emails or messages. Then we start looking at social media. We look at our friends and we see what they have been up to. A self-serving algorithm feeding us information that we will most likely enjoy.
Next up is the television, or radio, or podcast as we get ready for the day. Our typical morning routine, shower, shave, and so on. Do you notice I haven’t mentioned any human contact yet? Some of us may be fortunate to wake up with loved ones, family members, children, pets. Some of us only have some or none of those things.
What I want to talk about today is relational poverty, where a person might be lacking in genuine human relationships. I came across the concept reading a book by Dr Bruce Parry and Oprah Winfrey, “What Happened to You?”, exploring the impact our childhood experiences can have on our relationships and navigation of life.
I feel compelled to talk about this because I am in the business of relationships and I do relationship counselling. The book I read relates specifically to childhood experiences, most notably trauma and how that can affect a person’s life in a variety of ways. One of the factors that is discussed in the book is the idea of relational poverty, or how much human connection we have.
For those that don’t already know, we are social creatures. In fact, our lives very much depend on our ability to connect with and form meaningful relationships with others. Critically, if there is a lack of connection or human contact early on in life, a newborn can have significant delays in their development, from brain development, language acquisition, cognitive skills, and even immune systems. A very famous example is the children from Romanian orphanages in the 1970s and 1980s. These children were deprived of important human contact in their early stages of life and subsequently lived with a variety of challenges throughout life. Their brains developed more slowly compared to other children of the same age. They also experienced significant cognitive and emotional challenges.
Now, let’s consider how this impacts our relationships, especially as adults. This shift towards a predominantly digital form of communication can inadvertently lead to relational poverty. This isn’t just about physical loneliness; it’s the lack of deep, meaningful connections that nourish our emotional well-being. For men, especially, acknowledging and addressing relational poverty is vital. Societal norms often encourage men to be less expressive about their emotions, which can hinder the development of deep and supportive relationships.
Simple Strategies to Counter Relational Poverty
- Step Outside Your Digital Comfort Zone: While technology is fantastic, it’s important to balance it with real-world interactions. Try reducing screen time and engaging more with the world around you.
- Join a Community: Whether it’s a sports team, a hobby group, or a volunteer organisation, being part of a community can provide a sense of belonging and an opportunity to build meaningful relationships.
- Initiate Conversations: Sometimes, a simple ‘hello’ can lead to a conversation that might brighten your day and someone else’s. Don’t shy away from initiating interactions.
- Reflect on Your Relationships: Take time to think about your current relationships. Are they fulfilling? Do they provide the emotional support you need?
- Seek Professional Help: If you’re struggling with forming or maintaining relationships, remember, it’s okay to seek help. Therapy, especially methods like the Gottman Method, used in couples therapy and counselling, can offer valuable insights and strategies.
In Camden, where I practice, I’ve seen firsthand how individual therapy and couples counselling can transform lives. If you’re in Camden and looking for guidance, whether it’s for individual therapy or couples counselling, remember that taking the first step towards improving your relationships is a courageous and worthwhile endeavour.
Relational poverty is more than just a lack of social interaction; it’s a deficiency in meaningful, heartening connections that are essential for our emotional and psychological well-being. In our journey through life, let’s not forget the power of a genuine human connection. It’s the key to unlocking a richer, more fulfilling life.
If you’re feeling the effects of relational poverty and need guidance on improving your relationships, or just want more information, don’t hesitate to give me a call or send me a message. Remember, it’s never too late to enrich your life with meaningful connections.
