This week, I want to talk about masculinity and some of the issues men face. I was inspired to write this after listening to an Idles song, Samaritans. I also recently listened to a series of podcasts called ‘Manclan’, which explores the various personalities like The Liver King, Elliot Hulse and Robert Bly, that exist in the ‘manosphere’ who all claim they have the answers to fix society’s, particularly men’s problems. With the way the world is, it seems like just about any topic or discussion can be monetised, and I guess that’s the world we live in now.
I’ve always been a little suspicious of anyone claiming to “have all the answers”, but I always say that some things work for some people, some of the time in couples or individual therapy. What I do take issue with is when people are exploited or taken advantage of, so let this disclaimer be that I am not here to judge if you find any of this stuff useful; my angle is coming from a position that I don’t wish to cause any harm to anyone.
So why is this an important topic? Well, historically, there has been an issue with the way men deal with problems, especially when it comes to their mental health. Conversely, the statistics are very alarming. 6 men die by suicide each day in Australia (ABS, 2022), and 1 in 5 experience a mental health issue (ABS, 2022). This figure could be significantly higher when you factor in the various ways that prevent men from reporting mental health issues: stigma and reluctance to seek help. One of my goals as a therapist, individually or with couples, is to normalise that there is nothing wrong with seeking help.
The opening verse in Idles’ song, Samaritans, makes a pretty big statement:
“Man up, sit down,
Chin up, pipe down,
Socks up, don’t cry,
Drink up, just lie,
“Grow some balls”, he said,
“Grow some balls.”
As always, singer Joe Talbot beautifully captures some of the more traditional views towards masculinity and how fraught it is. There is immense pressure to hold it all together, not show ‘weakness’ (crying, talking about feelings) and the often dismissive approach of ‘growing some balls’, that somehow fortitude is connected to the size of your testicles. For me, it’s an antiquated view of living your life because it encourages men to ignore essential experiences in life: feeling, emotion, and suffering.
So this week, I will take each line of the Idles song and offer an antidote. Stay tuned for more information throughout the week.
References:
Lifeline Australia. (n.d.). Data and statistics. Retrieved January 28, 2024, from https://www.lifeline.org.au/resources/data-and-statistics/
Australian Bureau of Statistics. (2020-2022). National Study of Mental Health and Wellbeing. ABS. https://www.abs.gov.au/statistics/health/mental-health/national-study-mental-health-and-wellbeing/latest-release.
Australian Bureau of Statistics. (2022). Causes of Death, Australia. ABS. https://www.abs.gov.au/statistics/health/causes-death/causes-death-australia/latest-release.
IDLES. (2018, July, 26). Samaritans (Official Video) [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=si2pZRifgIo&ab_channel=IDLES
QAnon Anonymous. (2023, January 28). Manclan. Manclan is a new podcast series by Annie Kelly and Julian Feeld exploring the digital world of masculinity influencers, esoteric manliness rituals, and alpha men. Covering everything from pick up artists to weightlifters, from New Age health perverts to neo-fascists, it’ll also be touching on the pre-internet history of masculinity and men’s movements. Patreon. https://www.patreon.com/qanonanonymous/posts